I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can't motorboat a personality
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
