we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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