I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
