Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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