So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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