Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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