I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We got so high we made milksteak
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
