Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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