Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
