Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
