He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
