ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
