I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize