btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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