I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
