Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize