Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
