I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
