Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
