I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
