I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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