Im at strip club and am horny
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
