Dude my mom stole all your condoms
two words: eviction party
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize