tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
