I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
