well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
