It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
