I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
