Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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