Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
