Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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