I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
