I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize