Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
