Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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