piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
