it wasn't lemon gatorade
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
