you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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