I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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