I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
