Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
