first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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