so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
