he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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