Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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