hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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