What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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