I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
