You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
