you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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