also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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