I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize