I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
FUCK WHALES
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
