She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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