I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
