worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
