Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
