i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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