I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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