I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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