do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
