Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
