Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
