I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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