Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
