I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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