So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
