Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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