don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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