One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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