In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
