I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
