is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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