Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
