I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
