just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
