I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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