Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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