You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
