a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
