I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
