Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
