So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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