he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
