drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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