He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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