'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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