"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
God, I missed his penis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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