she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
