I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
