I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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