It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
