just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
