Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
