i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
