you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i believe in u and ur pee
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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