i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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