so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
